And when I'm not sure how to try, Who will take my hand?

Run   <======  (song by leona lewis)


Here I sit at 3 in the morning with a sense of looking for something, but not knowing where to look, who to look to , this crappy feeling of displacement and disappointment, a feeling that says I have come so far and now I cant find my way home, was it me who led the way all that time, or was it an unseen force

Trying to find the answers my heart yearning to help me find  the answers, to questions that seem so difficult to ask,  do they care? are they there for me or am I on my own? Do they really understand?

 I laugh I love I live. but lately I  frown, my world was built around pleasing people and doing what was right when things needed to be done. I took care of it. No questions asked. I have done a lot in my life more than I should at my age but now I feel alone:  yeah I have Remi but thats not what im talking about. Im talking about that feeling when you think everything is lost. yeah that one you know the one im talking about. I want to know WHY 
 
Why do I feel alone why does my heart feel sick? and want to escape this place. I envy them sometime (my family) they can just go where ever when ever. All I have is my room,  There was a time when I woke up and said cant wait to see everyone but lately all I see is my family slipping away my friends wanting to move on  try to ask whats going on but I just get the everything is fine dont worry about it speech, then theres the part when you try and help and do whats right the I get shut out. yeah exact sentiments but I know what I feel and I hate feeling this way Maybe its just me I dont know but its what im feeling


Remember I love you all and Im okay I will never fail you any of you.


~Mari